We were contacted yesterday by a concerned 343i QA Gametester that was shocked by the lack of wise cracks from Cortana in Halo 5. The anonymous QA revealed to our reporters his concerns saying, “Honestly everyone knows rampancy would force her to use humor as a coping mechanism. I’m really worried about her this time around. She’s very lost, and unrealistically serious; and dramatic about pretty much everything.”
According to a recent study by Game Refuge’s Yeslah Anatorc jokes in the halo franchise have decreased by 83.14% since Joseph Staten’s epic space opera Halo 2 was released in the Fall of 2004. The anonymous QA tester went on to share, “I’ve played the campaign for over 500 hours now and I keep hoping she will show a little hint of sarcasm. The developers have obviously gone to war on realism by subtracting the jokes.” Hopefully 343i will listen to the QA team this time around when they say things like, “matchmaking doesn’t work…at all, where’s the in-game food, and nobody likes Locke take him out please thanks.”
Lastly, President Obama pleaded to congress after hearing the QA testers words to, “get government more involved in videogame’s plots.” Saying, “If we let Halo 5 go joke-free now it could create a trend of joke free games for generations to come.” Republicans seemed to dislike the idea of big government getting involved in Halo 5’s humor, and applauded the lack of campaign in BLOPS 3 for last generation hardware.
UPDATE: 343i is currently being held for questioning by investigators after being arrested today for changing the halo franchise in an unwanted way. Bond is set at $3.14,000.00. Further details to come.